Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Perfection

"It's perfect, I know just how I'm going to change it." -Anna (Amy Adams) in the movie Leap Year. 

That statement seems to contradict itself, but it's often how we think. If something is "perfect" then it is "excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement" (dictionary.com). Simply, the word "perfect" describes something that doesn't need to change. Something that is flawless and "beyond improvement".

I'm constantly looking for a way to improve things that are perfect. Why is it that when I receive a compliment from a friend like, "Your hair looks really good like that." The next time I go to do my  hair, I'm going to try to make the poof bigger, to try to make it look even more like it did when I recieved the compliment. When my boyfriend says, "You look beautiful tonight," you would think I would just take it and be happy. But I don't. I'm happy for the night, but then the next day I have to exceed the past expectation. I have to make it better. I have to keep everyone on edge and be exciting. I have to look better than Jessica Alba!


Do I really though? Why am I trying to change something that doesn't need changing?


I'm not saying my looks are perfect, but when my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, that should be enough for me. I'm not perfect as a universal standard, but to him, in that moment, I am exactly what he wants to look at. I am beautiful to him, and thats perfect. He loves me the way I am and thats perfect. Why kill myself trying to impress more and more? I'm not saying I should give up and never try to impress him again, but I need to focus on what he really loves. Me. I'm beautiful to him. Sometimes more than others, but the fact is that I'm beautiful. Some things don't need changing. Some things can't change. 


Much like this, God loves us. His love for us is perfect. We try to change ourselves, but he really just wants us the way we are. Living a life for God passionately chasing after him will change the lifestyle changes that need to be changed, but you don't have to be perfect (by our standards)! Thats the perfection of it! God made you exactly how you are, he just gave you the power to make your own choices. But in his eyes, we are his perfect children when we give our hearts to him and strive to know him more. He wants you and he loves you, and his love is perfect! 


So stop trying to change whats already beyond improvement. Be thankful and realize the strengths that you have and the things people notice about you that makes you different. Be happy with who you are and rejoice in the perfections of your uniqueness and in how much God loves you...perfectly. :)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Job

I know I had a plan for a specific format that I wanted this to always follow, but as we all know, God is never confined by the boxes we put him in. I think sometimes he laughs at us when we make plans or try to control our lives, because he obviously knows best. He has definitely taught me that this semester. What an incredible journey he has brought me through just within these 3 months that seemed like an eternity. If you have not seen my note on facebook, there is a link at the bottom of this blog. It explains some of the struggles and revelations I had to make this semester. Its one of the most powerful things I think I've ever written, so its worth a read. God did big things through all of that. But today as I was talking to my boyfriend about the things God has been putting on my heart and showing me lately, I knew I had to share it. I'm not as disciplined about my bible reading as I should be, but there is just something about the book of Job. It fascinates me. If you have never read Job, you should. It starts out with God bragging about how wonderful Job is, and he basically makes a pact with the Devil that no matter what God allows the Devil to do to Job, he will remain faithful to God. The only rule is that the Devil can't take Job's life. So the Devil takes away everything that means anything to job. Seriously, everything but his life. His family, his well being, his property. Everything. But just as God said, and he will always be right, Job was faithful to God. Amidst struggles I have never had to face and cannot imagine, Job did not blame God. He did not curse God. He never once got angry with God. He was a faithful servant till the end.

That's what I want to be. Here in my life I've come to a point where huge scary decisions are needing to be made. There are struggles left and right. Struggles are a part of life. Recently I wrote a personal narrative for an English final about my first experience with death. My mother is always an incredible inspiration to me, but in this piece and in this moment in my life, she shines bright like a light straight from heaven. Here is what she told me (with a little exaggeration - I was 7 when she said this) when I asked her why I had to lose this friend in my life:
“Sometimes, Jenny, God takes things away from us to teach us something. I know it hurts, but everything in life is not permanent. One day we will all have to leave the earth and the ones we love.”

What a perfect way to look at it. Her and Job must know each other! :)

Through writing that story, reading Job, and just living life the best I can I have been learning more and more lately that God is in control and I am not. Whatever I think needs to happen, I'm wrong and God's right. So I need to invest in a giant pair of scissors to quickly snip all the elaborate tangled strings I tie to everything to keep me in control. God is way better in the driver's seat than I ever could be. If he plans something, I am ready to go with HIS flow. It might hurt, I might struggle...but when I do I will look to Job and pray to be like him in my responses. I know God has got something big coming my way, and I am ready for a new chapter, with him writing instead of me. For God to refer to me as his servant Jenny.

Job 42:1&2- "Then Job replied to the Lord: 'I know that you can do all things; no plans of yours can be thwarted.'"

Note: "Why God? - A testimony of Faith."

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A child of God

I am a child of God. 

"The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children." -Romans 8:16 (NIV)

"God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children." -Romans 8:16 (The Message)

Wow. What a beautiful picture. God as our Father. One of the definitions for "father" that I looked up on dictionary.com defined it as "paternal protector or provider". 

God is our protector. He watches over us. He never punishes us, but instead he allows things to happen to us for the betterment of our own selves. Sometimes thats hard to see and hard to understand, but its the truth. He loves us so much, and he would never let something happen to us that didn't need to happen. A lot of times we choose what happens to us. Sometimes I think that we have complete control over what harms us. I'm guilty of making things a bigger deal than they really are, are you? If we just commit ourselves to the will of Christ then he will be faithful and just. God has complete control over what happens to us-- but above that, he is our protector. Just like my earthly Daddy had a gun safe full of guns and urges me to get my handgun license and gives me a can of pepper spray for when he can't be there to protect me, God does the same. He gives me heavenly weapons. He gives me the Holy Spirit.

God is my provider. He provides. When you are at the bottom of the barrel, you don't know how you're going to buy your ramen and juice and still have enough money to drive home that weekend...he's there, he knows. So many times he has provided for me. Through other people listening to his voice, through my parents deciding to just randomly put money extra in my account when I needed it the most. Let me tell you -- my God provides. When I'm in need. No matter the type of need...he provides. Just like my earthly Daddy provides us with food and shelter, God provides us spiritual food and shelter --and sometimes earthly food and shelter as well.

Children of God. Think about that. You know that love between a mother and her child that people always talk about. How the love you have for your child you can never explain unless you just have your own kid and experience it? Well...we are all his children. He loves every one of us with that passionate, overwhelming love. He takes care of us. But most of all...I know I already said it...He loves us. So much. Like a parent and its child. Creator caring for the created. It only makes sense. Its the most beautiful analogy. I am God's daughter. :)





John Marc Mcmillan - How He loves

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.


We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way

An introduction

You're beautiful. A beautiful mess. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your God loves you more than anyone you can think of right now. More than your own mother. I know...that one's hard to understand or accept, but its the truth. He loves the crap out of you. Every fault, every hair on your head. He knows it all and he loves you anyway. Completely. He knows you better than you know yourself. Here's a kicker: he knows the desires of your heart, even the icky slimy ones. But if you ask, he can forget it all in a heartbeat. Every mess you've made, ever thing you regret. If you give him a life of service and worship, he is faithful and just to forgive you and make you a new person. Trust me, the Bible says so, and I know it from my own personal experience.  If you're interested, let me know and I'll be glad to share with you. If not, that's fine too.

Anyway, I would like to share my purpose and motivation for starting this blog. First of all, I have searched near and far for a college devotional, and could not find one. I find this extremely depressing considering that college is the time in your life that defines you. Its the time you make the decisions that will effect your life forever. Its the time where you figure out who you are without your parents. Who you can be on your own. As a person in that step of my life right now, I can't tell you what its going to be like afterwards. Ask your mom or dad if you wanna know that. But I can tell you that as a college student I struggle with things. Especially insecurities. You see, this world expects so much from us. We have to be smart, funny, skinny...you name it...we expect ourselves to be perfect, and we're not. Thats the beauty in Christianity and in Jesus. We aren't perfect, and thats what makes us beautiful. But because of these high and sometimes unreasonable expectations the world places on us, we lose sight of who we are in the most pivotal moment--which is now. Right now when we are shaping who we are, we have no instruction, no outlet, no example....only expectations placed upon us. So we develop insecurities. And I know that first hand. 

So I have set out to write this blog to encourage myself and anyone who desires to read of who I really am. Who I am in Christ. Because to be honest, I am still searching. There are times I don't even want to be me and I want to change everything about myself, and I don't want those times to exist anymore. I want to find who I am and roll with it. I want to get closer to Christ and be more like him. So I'm going to turn to my bible and some resources from a former counselor to share with you who the bible says we are. What could matter more than that? I want to be who Jesus wants me to be, don't you? I want to be comfortable with myself. Not only comfortable--proud. 

In each post I plan to give a statement about who we are, a corresponding scripture, some song lyrics that are relevant to the topic or perhaps just on my heart, a picture, and my thoughts. I hope you enjoy. :)