Perfection

"It's perfect, I know just how I'm going to change it." -Anna (Amy Adams) in the movie Leap Year. 

That statement seems to contradict itself, but it's often how we think. If something is "perfect" then it is "excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement" (dictionary.com). Simply, the word "perfect" describes something that doesn't need to change. Something that is flawless and "beyond improvement".

I'm constantly looking for a way to improve things that are perfect. Why is it that when I receive a compliment from a friend like, "Your hair looks really good like that." The next time I go to do my  hair, I'm going to try to make the poof bigger, to try to make it look even more like it did when I recieved the compliment. When my boyfriend says, "You look beautiful tonight," you would think I would just take it and be happy. But I don't. I'm happy for the night, but then the next day I have to exceed the past expectation. I have to make it better. I have to keep everyone on edge and be exciting. I have to look better than Jessica Alba!


Do I really though? Why am I trying to change something that doesn't need changing?


I'm not saying my looks are perfect, but when my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, that should be enough for me. I'm not perfect as a universal standard, but to him, in that moment, I am exactly what he wants to look at. I am beautiful to him, and thats perfect. He loves me the way I am and thats perfect. Why kill myself trying to impress more and more? I'm not saying I should give up and never try to impress him again, but I need to focus on what he really loves. Me. I'm beautiful to him. Sometimes more than others, but the fact is that I'm beautiful. Some things don't need changing. Some things can't change. 


Much like this, God loves us. His love for us is perfect. We try to change ourselves, but he really just wants us the way we are. Living a life for God passionately chasing after him will change the lifestyle changes that need to be changed, but you don't have to be perfect (by our standards)! Thats the perfection of it! God made you exactly how you are, he just gave you the power to make your own choices. But in his eyes, we are his perfect children when we give our hearts to him and strive to know him more. He wants you and he loves you, and his love is perfect! 


So stop trying to change whats already beyond improvement. Be thankful and realize the strengths that you have and the things people notice about you that makes you different. Be happy with who you are and rejoice in the perfections of your uniqueness and in how much God loves you...perfectly. :)

Job

I know I had a plan for a specific format that I wanted this to always follow, but as we all know, God is never confined by the boxes we put him in. I think sometimes he laughs at us when we make plans or try to control our lives, because he obviously knows best. He has definitely taught me that this semester. What an incredible journey he has brought me through just within these 3 months that seemed like an eternity. If you have not seen my note on facebook, there is a link at the bottom of this blog. It explains some of the struggles and revelations I had to make this semester. Its one of the most powerful things I think I've ever written, so its worth a read. God did big things through all of that. But today as I was talking to my boyfriend about the things God has been putting on my heart and showing me lately, I knew I had to share it. I'm not as disciplined about my bible reading as I should be, but there is just something about the book of Job. It fascinates me. If you have never read Job, you should. It starts out with God bragging about how wonderful Job is, and he basically makes a pact with the Devil that no matter what God allows the Devil to do to Job, he will remain faithful to God. The only rule is that the Devil can't take Job's life. So the Devil takes away everything that means anything to job. Seriously, everything but his life. His family, his well being, his property. Everything. But just as God said, and he will always be right, Job was faithful to God. Amidst struggles I have never had to face and cannot imagine, Job did not blame God. He did not curse God. He never once got angry with God. He was a faithful servant till the end.

That's what I want to be. Here in my life I've come to a point where huge scary decisions are needing to be made. There are struggles left and right. Struggles are a part of life. Recently I wrote a personal narrative for an English final about my first experience with death. My mother is always an incredible inspiration to me, but in this piece and in this moment in my life, she shines bright like a light straight from heaven. Here is what she told me (with a little exaggeration - I was 7 when she said this) when I asked her why I had to lose this friend in my life:

“Sometimes, Jenny, God takes things away from us to teach us something. I know it hurts, but everything in life is not permanent. One day we will all have to leave the earth and the ones we love.”

What a perfect way to look at it. Her and Job must know each other! :)

Through writing that story, reading Job, and just living life the best I can I have been learning more and more lately that God is in control and I am not. Whatever I think needs to happen, I'm wrong and God's right. So I need to invest in a giant pair of scissors to quickly snip all the elaborate tangled strings I tie to everything to keep me in control. God is way better in the driver's seat than I ever could be. If he plans something, I am ready to go with HIS flow. It might hurt, I might struggle...but when I do I will look to Job and pray to be like him in my responses. I know God has got something big coming my way, and I am ready for a new chapter, with him writing instead of me. For God to refer to me as his servant Jenny.

Job 42:1&2- "Then Job replied to the Lord: 'I know that you can do all things; no plans of yours can be thwarted.'"

Note: "Why God? - A testimony of Faith."