What You Are

You're not worthless.
Christ paid a very high price for you. He thinks you're worth the death of a perfect life. His life. He would've died even if it was just to save you.

You're not ugly or fat.
God said he made you in his image. He said you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Stop insulting him by saying his death was not enough to forgive you.
Stop insulting him by saying he didn't do a good job in making you.
Stop refusing his perfect love because you'd rather be a victim.

You are pretty
You are precious
You are loved
You are made for a purpose

Live in His love
Reside in his peace
Trust in Him, He will not fail you
Let him lead you and guide your steps

Find who you are by looking through the lens of Jesus.
That's what God sees.

You are not a failure.
No matter what happens, He still wants you.
You are a beautiful mess.

The Prayer of Repentance

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and seek your direction and guidance.We know your Word says, "Woe to those who call evil good," but that's exactly what we've done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values.

We confess that we have ridiculed the absolute truth of your Word and called it moral pluralism.


We have worshipped other gods and called it multiculturalism.

Pastor Joe Wright

We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle.


We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.


We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation.


We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.


We have killed our unborn and called it choice.


We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.


We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building esteem.


We have abused power and called it political savvy.


We have coveted our neighbors' possessions and called it ambition.


We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.


We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.


Search us O God and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent here by the people of Kansas, and who have been ordained by you, to govern this great state.Grant them your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the center of your will. I ask it in the name of your son, the living savior, Jesus Christ. Amen."

This was the text of the original prayer delivered January 23, 1996 by Pastor Joe Wright to the Kansas House of Representatives in Topeka. The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest.

Hallelujah for men of courage like Joe Wright. Thank you to my pastor, Hank Wamble, for sharing this prayer with us this morning. It touched my heart in both services. It made me feel convicted and it made me want to say a prayer for our next leader and for this country. The amount of truth in this prayer is not something we hear every day. Often the truth is candy coated with a lie or two to make us feel better about ourselves. But come on America! This is real talk. Sad, but true. Let's move. Let's change. Let's vote. Whatever it takes. 

Real Men

Okay so here's your scenario -- Josh and I are walking in the mall and the first advertisement we see is some guys enormous chest showing and he's wearing a zip up hoodie with no shirt underneath. We walk to the next store and start to look around....and I looked up. Hanging from the ceiling of that store were pictures of couples in make-out poses. I swear there was like 10 of them and then around them were little signs that said "holiday hookups". Not to mention the ridiculously cut men around all the other stores (I mean like oily, huge, and well defined bodies, showing as much as possible). We both wear trendy clothes and went to the typical stores around the mall, so it's not like we're freaks and visit the abnormal clothing stores or anything. Since Josh is going into the advertising business, I started paying more and more attention to each store we went in thinking, every job really can be a mission field. What I'm getting at is that this is what advertisers think we like, what they think will sell their clothing or whatever their product might be. That in itself is incredible sad. And we wonder why it's so hard to stay pure and to keep those thoughts out of your head. HELLO! It's everywhere you look! This world is all about pleasure and attraction over commitment and devotion. But think about it for a second. How may guys actually look like that? Is that the way God made them? We all know the struggles that society forces on women who don't look "perfect" to the world's standards. That's another blog in itself. Us women warriors are not the only ones though. Our men have unrealistic pressure put on them too. Guys, listen. Don't focus on your body too much...it's really not what matters at all. Who cares if you're ripped and you look like the hottest man alive if you are a jerk who doesn't know how to be a gentlemen and treat a woman like the lady she is. Who cares what you look like if you're empty inside? A woman doesn't want strong muscles to impress her as much as she wants gentle hands to caress her. Remember that. Don't listen to the media, the advertisements, or society -- be yourself. If yourself is a heath nut that likes to work out, cool man, do that. If yourself is the most unatheletic and clumsy person that spends their time reading or playing video games, be that guy!!! No man may ever read this but if you do happen to stumble upon it, there's one last thing I want to stress to you. I've never read a verse where Jesus talks about how strong he is or how he spent all his time at the gym. If you want to be a real man, you'll focus on what's really important, and that's becoming stronger in your walk with the Lord. Real men chase after an almighty God, and nothing else. That's more attractive than a boy with no brains that didn't put a shirt on under his jacket when it's cold outside. Cover up that chest and those arms and open up that bible.


P.S. Josh, you are an incredible man. I will never care what you look like on the outside, because I know who you are on the inside. I don't know if you'll read this, but that's how I feel. Don't ever change...but if you must - change for you, not for me. :)

Ryan Cody Clement

Cody, I miss you. More than I ever thought possible. There is pain, prayers, and tears. But there is also peace. I know you're with Jesus. I know you're with Clint. You're happier and luckier than any of us. The pain is gone, forever. You are walking with our Lord in peace, freedom, and completeness. 

John 14:1-2
"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. 2 In My Father's house are many mansions;if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you."

Revelation 21:4
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
  

These next few days, though us here on earth will miss you dearly, I hope that we will find times to celebrate your life. Cody, you were the prodigal son that returned. Through all the things you dealt with, you were always a kind soul and one of the nicest people I've ever met. Most of all Cody, know that you were loved, so dearly, by so many. I have confidence that you are in eternal glory with our Christ...and I can't wait to see you there when my life comes to an end.

I never thought you would be gone. Sometimes I don't understand God's will...sometimes I am angry at him. But I still trust Him. And I love you, and I know you wouldn't want that for any of us. So I will persevere and push through, knowing that you are beyond happiness forever and ever with Jesus. 

You were a beautiful person, and you will always be. One time, I was at your house hanging out with a bunch of people. I had just had a fight with my mom and I was pretty upset. Without even asking, pressing, or knowing you simply came up to me, hugged me, and told me I looked nice. I told you I didn't feel so nice. You laughed and told me...thats silly Jenny, you're the nicest person I know. 

As little as this may seem...it meant the world to me. Cody was just a kind guy. I will never forget him, and it was my pleasure to know him and be his friend for the few years that I was able to. Praise God that he is safe in the arms of our savior. 

Also, one last thing - Miss Amie (his mother) is the kindest, gentlest soul. She taught Cody to be the gentlemen that he was. She is so strong and so faithful and trusting in the Lord. She is incredible. But she needs loving and she needs prayer. As does Kyle. Please continue, if you are reading, to keep them in your prayers. 

I love you Cody. RIP.

Please, be you.

(I love you <3)

Guess what? I'm me, and you are you. Heather, hmm, she's heather. Jessica Alba...she's herself. Ryan Reynolds, yep you guessed it, he is himself as well. You don't seem surprised, in fact, you are slightly raising one eyebrow as you read this thinking, "What is she getting at?" Or maybe you get it exactly, and you know where I'm going with this. Either way, I hope you're enlightened. 

You see, God made us to be exactly who we are, and you wouldn't expect someone to be someone else. You wouldn't expect your daughter to be the other little girl down the street. We obviously expect people to be themselves, right? ...Or do we? How many times have you looked at someone and thought, "What is she thinking?", or "I can't believe he's embarrassing himself like that.", or maybe "I could give her my own two sense about that." We have plenty of advice to give other people. We want to tell them how they should be and who they should be like. We want to tell them how they should be living their life and all the ways they don't conform to our cookie cutter. We compare them to other people and the standards that other groups of people hold. But the thing about your cookie cutter, is that it was created by YOU. And unfortunately, my friend, we are wrong.

Can I tell you something, friend to friend? You're beautiful. Your ideas are unique and fantastic. You are worth much more than anything money could ever buy. You deserve to be treated with respect. You are good at certain things that I am quite terrible at. You are marvelous, special, and one-of-a-kind. I would never expect, ask, or want you to be anything except yourself. Sure, maybe you have some rough edges. Maybe you feel like you're at the end of your rope and you have nothing left to give. Maybe you are just unsure of who you are right now. That's okay. Because even if you haven't figured it all out, even if you don't have it altogether...one day you'll get it. You will always be you, and there is plenty of time to discover and learn more about yourself, because guess what...you're not going anywhere! Things happen for a purpose...you are you because you were supposed to be you. 

So STOP trying to be like anyone else. Stop trying to be the girl he likes, or the guy that is the toughest. Stop trying to be the perfect package. You already are. The greatest gift you could give the world and yourself would be to accept yourself the way you were hand crafted by the creator of the universe. He made you to be you. Not to be Cindy, Janet, Matthew, or Mr. Wonderful. Get it yet? The world creates these cookie cutters. Look like this, act like this, sleep with him, sleep with her, get your fill, spend money on this, lie about this, pretend to be good at this, you better be thinner, you better be cooler......ITS ALL CRAP. Excuse me if I startled you, but I'm tired of the lies. Just be you. There is NOT ONE SOUL that is the same as yours. Be unique, celebrate your identity! I want to get to know you, because I know there is no one else out there that is quite like YOU.

Accept your faults because they make you just as beautiful as the things in which you excel. Remember, you're just a beautiful mess. Be you. Not me.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Perfection

"It's perfect, I know just how I'm going to change it." -Anna (Amy Adams) in the movie Leap Year. 

That statement seems to contradict itself, but it's often how we think. If something is "perfect" then it is "excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement" (dictionary.com). Simply, the word "perfect" describes something that doesn't need to change. Something that is flawless and "beyond improvement".

I'm constantly looking for a way to improve things that are perfect. Why is it that when I receive a compliment from a friend like, "Your hair looks really good like that." The next time I go to do my  hair, I'm going to try to make the poof bigger, to try to make it look even more like it did when I recieved the compliment. When my boyfriend says, "You look beautiful tonight," you would think I would just take it and be happy. But I don't. I'm happy for the night, but then the next day I have to exceed the past expectation. I have to make it better. I have to keep everyone on edge and be exciting. I have to look better than Jessica Alba!


Do I really though? Why am I trying to change something that doesn't need changing?


I'm not saying my looks are perfect, but when my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, that should be enough for me. I'm not perfect as a universal standard, but to him, in that moment, I am exactly what he wants to look at. I am beautiful to him, and thats perfect. He loves me the way I am and thats perfect. Why kill myself trying to impress more and more? I'm not saying I should give up and never try to impress him again, but I need to focus on what he really loves. Me. I'm beautiful to him. Sometimes more than others, but the fact is that I'm beautiful. Some things don't need changing. Some things can't change. 


Much like this, God loves us. His love for us is perfect. We try to change ourselves, but he really just wants us the way we are. Living a life for God passionately chasing after him will change the lifestyle changes that need to be changed, but you don't have to be perfect (by our standards)! Thats the perfection of it! God made you exactly how you are, he just gave you the power to make your own choices. But in his eyes, we are his perfect children when we give our hearts to him and strive to know him more. He wants you and he loves you, and his love is perfect! 


So stop trying to change whats already beyond improvement. Be thankful and realize the strengths that you have and the things people notice about you that makes you different. Be happy with who you are and rejoice in the perfections of your uniqueness and in how much God loves you...perfectly. :)

Job

I know I had a plan for a specific format that I wanted this to always follow, but as we all know, God is never confined by the boxes we put him in. I think sometimes he laughs at us when we make plans or try to control our lives, because he obviously knows best. He has definitely taught me that this semester. What an incredible journey he has brought me through just within these 3 months that seemed like an eternity. If you have not seen my note on facebook, there is a link at the bottom of this blog. It explains some of the struggles and revelations I had to make this semester. Its one of the most powerful things I think I've ever written, so its worth a read. God did big things through all of that. But today as I was talking to my boyfriend about the things God has been putting on my heart and showing me lately, I knew I had to share it. I'm not as disciplined about my bible reading as I should be, but there is just something about the book of Job. It fascinates me. If you have never read Job, you should. It starts out with God bragging about how wonderful Job is, and he basically makes a pact with the Devil that no matter what God allows the Devil to do to Job, he will remain faithful to God. The only rule is that the Devil can't take Job's life. So the Devil takes away everything that means anything to job. Seriously, everything but his life. His family, his well being, his property. Everything. But just as God said, and he will always be right, Job was faithful to God. Amidst struggles I have never had to face and cannot imagine, Job did not blame God. He did not curse God. He never once got angry with God. He was a faithful servant till the end.

That's what I want to be. Here in my life I've come to a point where huge scary decisions are needing to be made. There are struggles left and right. Struggles are a part of life. Recently I wrote a personal narrative for an English final about my first experience with death. My mother is always an incredible inspiration to me, but in this piece and in this moment in my life, she shines bright like a light straight from heaven. Here is what she told me (with a little exaggeration - I was 7 when she said this) when I asked her why I had to lose this friend in my life:

“Sometimes, Jenny, God takes things away from us to teach us something. I know it hurts, but everything in life is not permanent. One day we will all have to leave the earth and the ones we love.”

What a perfect way to look at it. Her and Job must know each other! :)

Through writing that story, reading Job, and just living life the best I can I have been learning more and more lately that God is in control and I am not. Whatever I think needs to happen, I'm wrong and God's right. So I need to invest in a giant pair of scissors to quickly snip all the elaborate tangled strings I tie to everything to keep me in control. God is way better in the driver's seat than I ever could be. If he plans something, I am ready to go with HIS flow. It might hurt, I might struggle...but when I do I will look to Job and pray to be like him in my responses. I know God has got something big coming my way, and I am ready for a new chapter, with him writing instead of me. For God to refer to me as his servant Jenny.

Job 42:1&2- "Then Job replied to the Lord: 'I know that you can do all things; no plans of yours can be thwarted.'"

Note: "Why God? - A testimony of Faith."